How can I make her trust me?

[death_by_stere0]

I just got a Honduran curly hair, and I'm pretty sure she hates me. I feel really bad about it. I figured that the best thing to do was to leave her alone for a few days after I got her, but I just can't help but keep checking on her. I'm kind of paranoid after my last tarantula (which was also my first tarantula) died unexpectedly, so I just want to make sure my baby is okay. I know it isn't the right thing to do to keep lifting the hide. I want her to feel completely safe in her hides, and lifting them would surely make her feel vulnerable. Then today, I was desperate to sex her (I got tired of saying "he or she" every time I referred to her), so I got her out and put her into a clear container so I could put a flashlight to the bottom and take a picture. I put her back before I checked the photos, only to realize that they were blurry. So then I had to get her out AGAIN to get a better view. She kept moving away from me, which she hadn't ever done before, but I finally got her out and sexed her (pretty sure she's female). When I put her back, she eagerly hopped off of my hand and I think she tried to flick her hairs at me. I just feel so bad for putting her under so much stress, and I don't want her to hate me. Call me crazy, but I'd like to think that tarantulas have enough emotion to at least like or dislike me. I just love her so much already and I'd like her to recognize me as her caretaker and trust me (and maybe even enjoy me). Idk, man. Can I undo her hatred of me? Lol

 

[Enn49]

Unfortunately tarantulas do not like or dislike us humans but only tolerate us. One thing you have to accept is that they are still wild creatures even if captive bred and will still react as a wild animal would. Some will put up with being handled, others won't but most of us don't handle them as it can cause them stress.
If you have just bought her she needs time and peace and quiet to settle into her new home, it can take them weeks to settle

 

[Arachnoclown]

1. She doesnt recognize you...
Tarantulas eyes sight is horrible.
2. She has also already forgotten everything that has already happened....So don't feel bad.
3. Humans feel emotions....tarantulas do not.

So everything between you and her is still good!!!!

 

[Phil]

Agree with @Enn49 and @Arachnoclown, there are no hard feelings.

What is nice to see @death_by_stere0 is that you obviously care a lot about your special pet and welcome to the forum, as you can see already, lits if rwally good members and advice here.

 

[Stan Schultz]

I just got a Honduran curly hair, ...

It would help a lot if you'd tell us how large it is. (Or old if you have that information - but please, no guesses - we pretty much need something like an official birth date.)

...and I'm pretty sure she hates me...

What makes you think its capable of such in the first place? Remember that you're dealing with an "alien" here!

...I feel really bad about it. I figured that the best thing to do was to leave her alone for a few days after I got her, ...

Good idea. Give it a chance to adjust to its new habitat. At least a week would be good.

... I was desperate to sex her (I got tired of saying "he or she" every time I referred to her), ...

"It" also works.

...She kept moving away from me, which she hadn't ever done before, but I finally got her out and sexed her (pretty sure she's female). When I put her back, she eagerly hopped off of my hand and I think she tried to flick her hairs at me...

.... Can I undo her hatred of me? Lol

First, you need to read a good book on tarantulas. There are several of them on the market, and most of them are available from your local neighborhood library, if not off the shelf, then through the Interlibrary Loan Service. And, in a general sense, the fewer photos and the more text in a book, the more information it holds, and the better bargain it usually is. When you read a book about tarantulas you're doing so because you want to learn something. You want a textbook, not a family photo album. You can find all the "purty pichers" you can stomach on the Internet for free. Not enough people, especially tarantula enthusiasts, understand this.

Next, wild or tame is largely a moot point with most animals that we keep in captivity. A black lab puppy raised without human contact in the wild can be as formidable an adversary as a gray wolf! And a gray wolf puppy raised in captivity from birth actually can make a reasonable pet as long as you don't expect too much or the wrong stuff from them. (Warning: I am neither advocating nor endorsing raising domestic dogs as wild animals or wolves as house pets. DO NOT MISQUOTE ME! DO NOT MISINTERPRET MY STATEMENTS!)

The big question is domestication. (See also Domestication.) Domestication occurs on at least two levels: Breeding an animal (or plant) to possess/exhibit some qualities that make it better suited for living in captivity. And (for animals) teaching or training them when to use or suppress instinctive habits or responses; and/or teaching or training them new (non- or counter-instinctive) habits and responses and when to use them.

(See? You're already learning something!)

Further, your tarantula (very much like a barn cat) may never have experienced the touch of man (generic term here - no societal/cultural connotations intended) before you touched it. Its "data set" has only one reference to such a situation, an instinctive one, that you're trying to eat it. It doesn't "hate" you. IT FEARS YOU!

So, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to teach your newfound little buddy -
1) Who you are.

2) That you're an exception to the "predator rule."

3) That good things happen when you touch/handle it.

Items one and two are actually different aspects of the same phenomenon. I've just dissected them into two concepts to help you understand a little better what's happening here.

"Who are you?" (This is going to be complicated. Sorry. It can't be helped.) It's true that tarantulas can't see very well. They evolved into a lifestyle in which vision plays only a peripheral role. However, tarantulas have developed another sensory system to nearly exquisite perfection. (Note: Little of this has actually been proven. What I'm writing here is largely a combination of "book-learnin'" and personal experience.) That one has been called a "chemosensory system," and is roughly comparable to our sense of taste and smell, combined. In order for a tarantula to identify you, it has to "chemosense" you! All right, while that's descriptive, it's also pretty clumsy, even inelegant. Lets just use the term "smell," keeping in mind that that's actually a lie. If you ever use that term in that way again, enclose it in quotes as I did, and please don't blame me for it without a disclaimer!

But tarantulas have no nose, or (as far as we can tell) taste buds. They don't even have a tongue! However, while their pedipalps and all their legs are densely carpeted with bristles, many of those bristles on their pedipalps, and first and second pairs of legs are special: they're "chemosensitive." They "smell" on contact. So now you've learned two more things: Tarantulas' "smellers" on are their front appendages. And tarantulas have to touch you with them in order to "smell" you.

Here's another item for you to store away in your file of 1,001 useful tarantula facts: Tarantulas can learn to identify you by the way you smell! (Personal experience here.) They reject and run from people (often flicking hair in the process) that they don't recognize; but readily allow people they do recognize to pick them up.

How do you teach them who you are? First, they cannot be allowed to hide. Hiding requires that every time you want or need to touch a tarantula, you have to tear up its world. This is no way to make a buddy! Instead, arrange its cage so it's in a dark part of the room. Maybe covering all but the front wall (assuming you're using an aquarium or Kritter Keeper as its cage) with dark paper might also help. Also cover the top with something opaque, just don't block off all ventilation. Your tarantula will quickly adjust to living in a somewhat larger than conventional burrow. Trust me here. Hundreds of thousands of tarantulas have done so since Dr. Baerg wrote the first tarantula book in 1958.

Next, get into the habit of tapping the front of the cage three times before otherwise touching it, opening it or moving it. The tarantula will very quickly learn that knock three times means it's about to have company. Scaring the ****ens out of your little buddy is no way to make a friend.

Then, at least once a day you need to gently open the cage and stroke the tarantula's FRONT LEGS with your finger. Before you do this you should probably wash your hands with a non-stinky soap and rinse them well. The tarantula has to learn who you are, not what brand of soap or hand cream you're using!

The first time you do this the tarantula is going to jump and run. You just scared the ****ens out of it. But life is tough, it'll get over it. And it's gotta learn, right? (See Stress? You Wanna Know About Stress?)

Within a very few days your little buddy will stop panicking. When it gets to that point you can start giving it a freshly killed, small food morsel as a reward. Use a pair of tweezers and place the cricket/roach/whatever right in front of it. Again, in a very few days, you should be able to drop the food morsel so that it's touching the tarantula's pedipalps. Why not do this with your fingers? What would you do if a huge, clumsy school bus thing came flying out of the distance at you? Even if it did offer food? Would you expect anything different from your tarantula?

So now you've accomplished item 2 and already begun item 3 (above).

Now comes a sales pitch. It's regrettable, but I know of nowhere else where you can get this information. If my blowing my own whistle (so to speak) offends you, all I can do is offer my sympathies and suggest you move to the next posting.

You need to get a copy of the Tarantula Keeper's Guide (I'm the author). You can buy it from some pet shops, some local bookstores, or from most bookstores on the Internet. HOWEVER YOU DON'T NECESSARILY NEED TO! You can also probably get a copy for free to read from your friendly, neighborhood library.

Turn to page 184 and begin reading at "Personal Contact— One on One." Read the preliminaries, but pay particular attention to "Correct Way #2: Getting Palmed" on page 190. THIS IS IMPORTANT. Your tarantula needs to learn and understand that it's you who are picking it up. Do not use a chop stick, artist's brush, or any other tool or bludgeon to deal with your tarantula. This is strictly a one-on-one, hand-to-hand sort of thing.

And of course, for at first at least, after each time you handle it, it deserves a little morsel to munch on. (Although, if you do that too much, it'll begin to resemble my Sheltie!)

I hope this helps. Best of luck.