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- Outside San Antonio, TX
On Christmas day, 2012, I lost my father. He died of end stage emphysema, from smoking all of his life. The stress and heartbreak almost took my mother with him. My own grief nearly destroyed me. I wasn't myself for two years.
A few months ago I lost my best friend, a female English Bull Terrier named Ms. Piggy. She died from a genetic kidney disease. It hurt me very badly, of course. Another part of me died, and I lost a strong source of strength, just as I had when my father died. Piggy had been an absolute rock, at that horrible time, anchoring me, and just being a friend, when my heart had hardened and then shattered at my dad's passing. To this day, I attribute my love of my wonderful mom, and the love and devotion of my best friend, to saving my life. I was in a very bad place, and they pulled me out, because I wasnt strong enough to do it myself.
On April fourth of this year, a week ago, my mother passed away.
The first two days I spent tending to my brother, because he almost lost his mind from grief, and survivors guilt(which, by the way, is a very real, very dangerous, useless, and destructive situation). After an eventful week, I'm confident he see's clearly. He's ok now, and no longer engaging in blaming himself. He's in the medical field and was crucifying himself for not seeing the signs, and blaming himself for the death of our mom. This in itself was very traumatic, to both of us. It broke my heart, and nearly drove my brother insane.
This is a mistake, folks. We all die. **** happens, to EVERYONE. Survivors guilt is ****. I assure you, there are people who have suffered such horrible, heartbreaking loss, that if they read this they'll probably smile sadly and DISMISS it immediately. I guess my message here is this: Push past grief. Eat your guilt, it's useless and helps nobody. You have to go on living. There's nothing else you can do. Grief only eases with time, and it never leaves us. But you'll grow stronger. I hope this helps someone. Self destruction is the beta, ***** way out. Stand up, stop weeping, and ****ing push through. That is what we are. That is what we do. Master yourself.
A few months ago I lost my best friend, a female English Bull Terrier named Ms. Piggy. She died from a genetic kidney disease. It hurt me very badly, of course. Another part of me died, and I lost a strong source of strength, just as I had when my father died. Piggy had been an absolute rock, at that horrible time, anchoring me, and just being a friend, when my heart had hardened and then shattered at my dad's passing. To this day, I attribute my love of my wonderful mom, and the love and devotion of my best friend, to saving my life. I was in a very bad place, and they pulled me out, because I wasnt strong enough to do it myself.
On April fourth of this year, a week ago, my mother passed away.
The first two days I spent tending to my brother, because he almost lost his mind from grief, and survivors guilt(which, by the way, is a very real, very dangerous, useless, and destructive situation). After an eventful week, I'm confident he see's clearly. He's ok now, and no longer engaging in blaming himself. He's in the medical field and was crucifying himself for not seeing the signs, and blaming himself for the death of our mom. This in itself was very traumatic, to both of us. It broke my heart, and nearly drove my brother insane.
This is a mistake, folks. We all die. **** happens, to EVERYONE. Survivors guilt is ****. I assure you, there are people who have suffered such horrible, heartbreaking loss, that if they read this they'll probably smile sadly and DISMISS it immediately. I guess my message here is this: Push past grief. Eat your guilt, it's useless and helps nobody. You have to go on living. There's nothing else you can do. Grief only eases with time, and it never leaves us. But you'll grow stronger. I hope this helps someone. Self destruction is the beta, ***** way out. Stand up, stop weeping, and ****ing push through. That is what we are. That is what we do. Master yourself.
Thanks ladies. Im ok.
